my sassy 9 month old.

It's true what they say about red heads, they have attitude! (I should know, haha.) Riley is still her sweet self, but now she is at that age where the tantrums begin. It was hard to get used to at first, and whenever she started fussing like that I thought something was wrong! When I asked her pediatrician about it, along with about a million other questions, I swear I thought I heard her mutter "sheesh, what a NEWB" under her breath...ok, not really. It was funny how she gave the stink eye to the nurse that gives her vaccines, like "I know what you just did, and I am NOT your biggest fan today!"

Other than that, she is a trooper and is crawling more. Well, whenever she feels like it. Sometimes she just rolls or reaches out to the toy that is the closest to her. At the moment, she only has two teeth still but it would not surprise me if she got another one like, tomorrow. She is at the "third stage" in food, and likes everthing except for those graduate puffs (I find them in the corners of her highchair) and the food with rice and meat in it (she spits it out and gags like she's disgusted).

Since she has no idea her world will drastically change in about 3 months, I have begun to tell Riley about "brother". She probably has no idea who he is, but in a way I guess its just me hoping this will be a smooth transition :)

challenge equals triumph

It seems that ever since I found out I was pregnant with Riley, in April 2009, that my life has undergone a whirl-wind of change. Maybe change is the theme during this season of my life? As anxious of a person I am, it is truly by God's strength that I am able to stand. Even since April of this year, when I became a single mother there have been so many changes to take place! (Good and bad, but mostly good.) It has become more than just words or thoughts to literally lay everything down at the Lord's feet; it is a lifestyle and a walk I have to choose every single day. If I don't lay down, not only my pride, but my anger and my hurt, it will steal my joy. It took a few times of trying to hold onto these things to figure out that it is just not worth it.

God is teaching me and refining me so that I can be healed and set free. He is showing me more and more that he wants to be my defendor. Sometimes when there are rumors circulating about me it can be hard to resist the temptation to defend and explain myself. Thankfully, God loves me and he knows what he's doing. Walking this out in his ways seems to be the solution I have been searching for. I feel that becoming the whole person I was created to be will help me be a better mom, and to raise my kids the best way I can.

BSF

I recently joined a local BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) group in my area. It's basically a world-wide Bible study that started fifty years ago. To be honest, I was tentative on joining since Riley would have to be placed in the nursery with other babies...away from me. (Don't judge me, I'm a newb.) Our first "class" was this morning, and as I was packing her diaper bag I seriously felt like this was preparation for her first day of school. When I located her class this morning and dropped her off, she got busy playing right away. I wanted to give her just ONE more kiss goodbye, and I kid you not, I teared up. Ok, someone PLEASE tell me this is a normal first-time mom thing! I'm proud of her because she didn't cry when I dropped her off or picked her up, and I think she was proud of me, too. (haha)

sick baby.

Riley had some pretty major "firsts" in the past two weeks. She got her first tooth, soon followed by the second. They are in the front on the bottom. It's kind of weird seeing her smile and not be greeted by all gums! The other major first is not something to celebrate really, but still blog-worthy: her first trip to the emergency room. She had group D salmonella poisoning, and it's still a mystery as to how she got it. It started with dirrahea and a fever, and after a trip to her pediatrician she started to vomit. (Which, let me tell ya, I am now very educated in the vomit versus spit up category.) Her fever would not come down, and by the time we got to Arnold Palmer it was at 103.

The worst part of it all was just how miserable she was. The nurses had to hold her down and test her urine with a catheter and she just cried and said "mama!", which just about broke my heart. Thankfully, she is doing nearly 100 percent better, and is back to her old self! She has definitely perfected saying "mama" and has become a little spoiled with all of the extra attention.

This whole experience felt kind of like a rite of passage for motherhood. I used to think it would be so horrible to have to clean up the messes after my kids get sick. Honestly, that did not phase me. It's amazing to see the natural maternal instincts just kick into high gear and do everything humanly possible to bring comfort to Riley. In middle of the night and her fever was so high. It was hard to watch her cry like that and feel her get so hot. In those moments I felt myself turn around to just find that I was alone. I had my parents help, which was amazing, but I can definitely feel the lonliness of being a single mom.

God is definitely stretching me beyond my comfort zone and teaching me so much. I'm thankful for these times, good and bad. Each day, I can feel my skin get a little thicker.

BIG news!

Well, there are two pieces of big news...good and bad. I'll get the the good stuff first: Riley is going to be a big sister! I am almost six months pregnant with a BOY! This definitely came as a surprise, but I know that God has an amazing destiny in mind for both of my children.

Now for the not-so-wonderful news, my husband and I are no longer together. I will spare the gory details and just say that God truly is my rescuer. For a short time I was having some difficulty seeing the situation through God's eyes, but he has shown me how much I need to depend on him for every little thing. I love how he teaches the toughest lessons in the most amazing ways and the only possible way for me to explain is that it was totally God! God's voice, his timing, his ways that are so much better than mine.

People around me have told me what a strong person I am, and how well I seem to be handling all of these changes. Let me tell you, it is not by my strength. I am such a fearful person and if it wasn't for God intervening in such a big way, my situation would look much different than it does today. It is a daily struggle and each day I have to lay it all down at his feet. I'm seeing very clearly that if I walk this out in God's ways that it will be so much better for me and my kids. They deserve the best, and I need to be able to give them my best.

a much needed update!

Have three months gone by? Seriously?! I guess this is what being a new mom means. Needless to say, Riley has changed a TON and she turned six months old on Monday. She has almost figured out how to crawl, but for now she just rolls around and sort of scoots around until she gets frustrated and cries for me to turn her back over.

She has perfected that laugh of hers, and as soon as I figure out how to load videos on this computer (hi, i'm a mac using a PC.) I will share those. I have enjoyed a full night's rest since she was four months old, and we get up anywhere between 6 and 8 am. Riley loves her voice, and uses it proudly, and as loudly as she can.

I have adjusted to some pretty big changes in my life these days, and I will be able to tell what those changes are once I get some, ahem, things in order. Oh, don't you love the suspense?

Riley is such a huge blessing, and every day spent with her is so much fun. Our next adventure starts this weekend: she is graduating to baby food in her high chair!

Riley Bear

My daughter is three months old now, and time just keeps flying by. Every day brings something new for her, and i'm afraid to even blink and miss something! She is growing so fast, right before my eyes! On the 19th, she laughed for the first time. I have only heard her do it one other time since then, but sometimes her smile lights up her entire face and I can tell she is looking for her voice.

We recently moved her into her "big girl crib" from the cradle she has been sleeping in. Being the paranoid, new mom that I am, I have been camping out on the floor in her room. Even though we have the baby moniters, I just feel so much more comfortable being in the same room with her while she is so little. She does sleep much better in her crib, which is great for me! That five hour streak is well worth the wait.

Last night I ran out to Walgreens to get some formula, and although the cashier was polite is his own way he asked me if I was "expecting baby number two", to which I quickly laughed it off and just told him no. He then said, "Oh. Well, you just need to do a lot of sit ups."

That one hurt a little.

I'm sure I am not the only woman out there who has had this happen, in some way, shape, or form. For those of you who are not sure of the "protocol" in these situations, it's best to just not say anything. For all you know, you could have just insulted an overweight person!

Besides tactless strangers, life as a mom is amazing and I love every second of it!

i'm SUCH a mom...

(this one speaks for itself.)

Friday morning.

Lately, my favorite morning past time with Riley is just propping her on a pillow in my lap and talking to her while I play with her feet. She seems to enjoy my ridiculous facial expressions and the fact that her momma discovered her ticklish spot!

She seems to enjoy the Disney movie collection Brad and I started for her, almost as much as we do. This photo was her reaction to The Aristocats. She is totally going to kill me for putting this up one day. Sorry Riles!

I know a girl,

she puts the color inside of my world.

Riley smiled at me for the first time yesterday. It was a real one, not a "hey, I just farted!" smile. She is starting to recognize me, and smiles really big when I talk to her. Any mom can relate to how amazing this feels. The first thing I saw when I woke up this morning is her bright eyes and huge dimples. I kissed her chubby cheeks, her smile got even bigger, and a sound that was almost a laugh came out.

God bless Dr. Kayaleh.

Riley just had her two month check-up. I definitely have the best pediatrician for her in the world! This woman is incredibly patient and thorough with every appointment, and was highly recommended to me by some respectable sources. After getting a round of vaccines, which made BOTH of us cry, RIley was given a clean bill of health. I guess that means I am super mom ;)

But you're so busy changing the world, just one smile can change all of mine.

I've got an angel, she doesn't wear any wings.

Two months have come and gone since Riley Elizabeth graced us with her presence, and I can already say that being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me! Nothing even comes close to the bond she and I share, and the love I have for her. That is something no one can ever touch.

She wears a heart that can melt my own, she wears a smile that makes me want to sing.

Every day I get to wake up to those beautiful blue-gray eyes (they have not changed yet) and those chubby cheeks she is quickly becoming famous for. Now that she is starting to "coo", it's fun to talk and sing to her because she smiles and "talks" back! I can just sit and watch her for hours; the way she stares at the mirror and mobile on her swing, the way she furrows her brow in deep concentration at her hands, and the way she laughs in her sleep just melts my heart.

Since I am a new mom, I have my own ways of doing everything, and I am very particular! Thank God, I have the love, respect, and understanding of my family. They never give me overbearing advice or try to tell me what to do. Riley is my child, and as her mom I am convinced that I can take care of her better than anyone. There is not a soul who can change my mind, or that fact. Most moms feel the same way about their children, i'm sure. Thankfully, I have awesome parents, family, and friends who not only understand and respect my opinions, they agree with me.

Having Riley is the best thing I have ever done, and I love spending everyday with her. It's exciting to see her milestones, such as her first smile. And though I am looking forward to her first words and her first steps, I can't help but whisper to her "please don't grow up too fast, stay momma's baby for a little while longer!" I have never complained about getting up at four in the morning to feed her because I know how precious this time with her really is. Time goes too fast, and I know that I will turn around and my baby will be grown up.

There will always be something new to learn, but this is a journey. It will be hard, at times, but that's part of it. I love the adventure and spontaneity of being a mom, and i'm thankful that God chose me to be Riley's mom. I love you Riley girl!

This is the sweet life.