Press on.

You know that saying "God will not give you anything you can't handle"? Or the one "When you're down to nothing, God is up to something?" As annoyingly cliche and "churchy" those two sayings may be, I have not only lived them out this summer but proven them to be true. Of course, I have my own spin on them.

"God will not give you anything you can't handle." Not true, there are things He allows us to go through that are excrutiating. I found comfort in the fact that when we get hit with any sort of attack, it is because the enemy has to beg God to do it. God is merciful when he allows it.

Did you catch that? Yes, I said God is MERCIFUL. Attacks may be a test of our faith, but I have experienced that He is faithful to carry us through the fire. It refines us to make us better and stronger. God does not give us small tasks, how else would we grow? He allows us to call on His name and pretty much throw in the towel and say "God I can't do this, but you can." We have to be desperate for him, to depend on him, and then he will equip us to face the challenge and watch Him overcome.

This summer I faced depression and anxiety in a scary way. It was terrible and terrifying, but God had a purpose for it: to set me free. I have always been a fearful person, and have always been known as a worrier. "Oh, that's just how you are Erin. You're such a worrier." Ugh, I got so tired of it so this summer when God allowed me to face my fear of...fear, I fought back. I got angry. I started to recognize thoughts and patterns of living that needed to change. I asked for prayer. God had a person who once had faced anxiety to pray over me. I was set free! God showed me where I have been so uptight and now I am able to relax and just enjoy life.

"When you're down to nothing, God is up to something." Yes, true. One hundred percent true. The depression I fell into was unexpected. I did not even know I was depressed until one day I was seeing stars and almost passed out. I got sick, I grew weary, I could not even eat. I had to face the truth that I had allowed negative thoughts to become mindsets, and it all went down hill from there. I was tired of parenthood, I was feeling heartbroken because my ex husband and his wife are having a baby, I felt lonely and sad. I felt so empty and so sick. I lost ten pounds and walked around being afraid of everything. My mind would not stop. I cried all the time and finally had to start fighting. My prayers didn't "feel" like anything was going to change. I literally felt nothing. I just cried out to God, telling him I knew He was near but I could not feel him.

Finally, I had to face it all. I had to take it all and give everything in my mind and my heart and hand it over to Jesus. It was not like a "quick fix". I would take something back again and have to go back and pray the same thing over again. God really was up to something, because he healed my heart! It is definitely a process, but I feel stronger each day.

 

 

 

 

This past Sunday, the sermon at church was called "Pressing toward the prize".

 

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself  yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 3:12-14

 





The entire sermon touched my heart. I was so excited because as I took notes it was like a flame was ignited inside and I could see out of the darkness. I had lost sight of what was so important and allowed my past to haunt me and steal my life away. I read over the things I had written in my journal over the past few months and the highlights were basically asking God for direction and answers and for Him to heal me. I never realized how deep those things went until God took me through the furnace!

I have been reminded of how important my role as a mom is and that I cannot afford to back slide. The Lord has taken ahold of my life for a reason and I have to trust him with the details. I'm thankful for the work he began in me these past few months because in order for me to move forward I needed to let go of what is now behind me. When my life changed in such huge ways over the past four years, it was all God moving. I believe he is divine and when he took ahold of me and the kids and got us out of where we were, it was a divine shift. Why did I look back at the past? I definitely do not want anything to do with the old life I had. It's like I forgot how big of a move God really did and is still doing. I forgot to stop looking back and to keep moving forward. I can see now that I need to keep pressing on, through the hard things and to keep pressing into Jesus. Only he can show me the way! Praise the Lord.