my sassy 9 month old.

It's true what they say about red heads, they have attitude! (I should know, haha.) Riley is still her sweet self, but now she is at that age where the tantrums begin. It was hard to get used to at first, and whenever she started fussing like that I thought something was wrong! When I asked her pediatrician about it, along with about a million other questions, I swear I thought I heard her mutter "sheesh, what a NEWB" under her breath...ok, not really. It was funny how she gave the stink eye to the nurse that gives her vaccines, like "I know what you just did, and I am NOT your biggest fan today!"

Other than that, she is a trooper and is crawling more. Well, whenever she feels like it. Sometimes she just rolls or reaches out to the toy that is the closest to her. At the moment, she only has two teeth still but it would not surprise me if she got another one like, tomorrow. She is at the "third stage" in food, and likes everthing except for those graduate puffs (I find them in the corners of her highchair) and the food with rice and meat in it (she spits it out and gags like she's disgusted).

Since she has no idea her world will drastically change in about 3 months, I have begun to tell Riley about "brother". She probably has no idea who he is, but in a way I guess its just me hoping this will be a smooth transition :)

challenge equals triumph

It seems that ever since I found out I was pregnant with Riley, in April 2009, that my life has undergone a whirl-wind of change. Maybe change is the theme during this season of my life? As anxious of a person I am, it is truly by God's strength that I am able to stand. Even since April of this year, when I became a single mother there have been so many changes to take place! (Good and bad, but mostly good.) It has become more than just words or thoughts to literally lay everything down at the Lord's feet; it is a lifestyle and a walk I have to choose every single day. If I don't lay down, not only my pride, but my anger and my hurt, it will steal my joy. It took a few times of trying to hold onto these things to figure out that it is just not worth it.

God is teaching me and refining me so that I can be healed and set free. He is showing me more and more that he wants to be my defendor. Sometimes when there are rumors circulating about me it can be hard to resist the temptation to defend and explain myself. Thankfully, God loves me and he knows what he's doing. Walking this out in his ways seems to be the solution I have been searching for. I feel that becoming the whole person I was created to be will help me be a better mom, and to raise my kids the best way I can.

BSF

I recently joined a local BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) group in my area. It's basically a world-wide Bible study that started fifty years ago. To be honest, I was tentative on joining since Riley would have to be placed in the nursery with other babies...away from me. (Don't judge me, I'm a newb.) Our first "class" was this morning, and as I was packing her diaper bag I seriously felt like this was preparation for her first day of school. When I located her class this morning and dropped her off, she got busy playing right away. I wanted to give her just ONE more kiss goodbye, and I kid you not, I teared up. Ok, someone PLEASE tell me this is a normal first-time mom thing! I'm proud of her because she didn't cry when I dropped her off or picked her up, and I think she was proud of me, too. (haha)

sick baby.

Riley had some pretty major "firsts" in the past two weeks. She got her first tooth, soon followed by the second. They are in the front on the bottom. It's kind of weird seeing her smile and not be greeted by all gums! The other major first is not something to celebrate really, but still blog-worthy: her first trip to the emergency room. She had group D salmonella poisoning, and it's still a mystery as to how she got it. It started with dirrahea and a fever, and after a trip to her pediatrician she started to vomit. (Which, let me tell ya, I am now very educated in the vomit versus spit up category.) Her fever would not come down, and by the time we got to Arnold Palmer it was at 103.

The worst part of it all was just how miserable she was. The nurses had to hold her down and test her urine with a catheter and she just cried and said "mama!", which just about broke my heart. Thankfully, she is doing nearly 100 percent better, and is back to her old self! She has definitely perfected saying "mama" and has become a little spoiled with all of the extra attention.

This whole experience felt kind of like a rite of passage for motherhood. I used to think it would be so horrible to have to clean up the messes after my kids get sick. Honestly, that did not phase me. It's amazing to see the natural maternal instincts just kick into high gear and do everything humanly possible to bring comfort to Riley. In middle of the night and her fever was so high. It was hard to watch her cry like that and feel her get so hot. In those moments I felt myself turn around to just find that I was alone. I had my parents help, which was amazing, but I can definitely feel the lonliness of being a single mom.

God is definitely stretching me beyond my comfort zone and teaching me so much. I'm thankful for these times, good and bad. Each day, I can feel my skin get a little thicker.