1. Faith is not a feeling. We've all heard it, and I already "knew" it, but this year I learned for myself that sometimes (or, many times) I simply don't feel like worshipping the Lord. I don't feel close to God. I can't seem to hear his voice. Ok, I am an extremely sensitive person. When I can't "feel" something, I automatically think something is wrong. God is teaching me that He does not necessarily work that way. Of course, if my mind is muddled with every distraction under the sun, my heart cannot connect with His and of course I can't hear from Him very clearly. My heart was made to love God, made to worship Him. Just like in any human relationship, it requires effort. It means that I have to be intentional with my relationship with the Lord. Sometimes I literally have to make myself pray out the names of God and sing His praises until my mind and heart catch up and fall back in line.
2. I need to learn to admit I need help sometimes, ask for it, and be willing to accept it. I have been so driven by what others think of me, and most of all my parenting. I tense up when my kids don't always behave the ways I want them to when we are in public. Yes, I am that mom who has to constantly excuse herself to chase after a certain child, who just wants to explore, but seems to think my directions of "stay on the playground" are just just too much to ask. I often times leave feeling embarrassed, frustrated, and beating myself up for not being a good enough mom. I get overwhelmed, I lack a sense of direction sometimes, I desperately need the support of others to help me parent well.
3. Family is not just the one we were born into. I am extremely fortunate to have the love and support of my AMAZING parents and cousin and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Seriously, I hit the family lottery. However, this year the body of Christ has been a great source of life to me. The Lord has brought some beautiful friendships into my life, and has grown some even more this year! You know that expression "blood this thicker than water"? I have my own version: there is nothing thicker than blood. Family blood, and the family I have under the Blood of Christ. These people I can call sisters, and they have walked with me and prayed for me like no one else ever has. I am forever thankful.
In 2014, God did...well, God-sized miracles in my life. He blessed me with materials such as finances and a car! (Another story, another day.) He also carried me through some really tough times. This year I began the journey to healing and forgiveness. I felt the pain of the past five years, the emotions I had kept bottled up on a dusty shelf somewhere deep in my heart. It has been awful and wonderful at the same time.
I faced, and am facing, fear and have had some intense battles with anxiety. This year, the Lord has brought me to deeper levels of trust and teaching me that He is the one on whom I can depend!
As He takes me apart, piece by piece, He is simultaneously drawing me, inch by inch, closer to Him.
The journey is far from over, and I am ready for the amazing things the Lord has already in store for 2015! Happy New Year!
