baby steps.

Is there a worst blogger in the world contest? I may be in the top ten. I'll just pull the "i'm a busy mom" card and move on.

My life changed forever when I became a mom for the first time. Everything was brand new, exciting, terrifying. Each new stage Riley entered was an adventure, and I cherished each moment I spent with her. I could not imagine, at the time, having any more room in my heart to love another child the way I love my little girl.

That all changed when my son was born. Cole Garrett, a New Year's Eve baby, captured my heart the first moment he was in my arms. The way he stuck out his bottom lip when the nurse took him away from me to run some tests made me believe he felt the same way. He lived up to his name, which means "warrior", from the start; weighing in at 8 pounds 11 ounces. My doctor called him a "bruiser" from behind the blue tarp before I even saw him! Those days spent in recovery were even easier than the first time around. Cole and I bonded quickly, and I was so excited to go home I opted to check out a day early.

On the way home I day dreamed about how fun having a boy and a girl was going to be. All throughout my pregnancy, people would tell me how girls are always so high-maintenance and boys were so laid-back. Since Riley was such an easy baby, I thought Cole would be a breeze.

I could not have been more wrong.

From the very first night at home, and for the entire first month of his life, Cole was the most miserable baby. He screamed all night long, ate every hour and a half, and projectile vomited all over the place. Needless to say, that was the LONGEST month of my life. Thank God for pediatricians, because after he was diagnosed with acid reflux and put on a special formula, he was sleeping through the night by the end of his first month.

All of that seems like ancient history. Cole is going to be turning five months old in about a week. He has the biggest smile now, loves taking baths, and recently discovered how to put his toes in his mouth. So yeah, life's pretty sweet in his world.



Riley has adjusted very well to having a sibling. She called him "my baby?" the day we came home from the hospital. Now she loves to shake up his bottle, pat his back to help mommy burp him, and kiss his head. She started walking last week and talks up a storm. I still enjoy each new stage and watching her discover the world around her, and its awesome to watch Cole in his baby stages that are so familiar, yet so uniquely him.

My life has been transformed and completely wrapped up in what I like to call "baby land". The floor is always sticky, toys find their way in the strangest places, and I never get to sit down anymore...and no, i'm not complaining. I love the way Riley points at me and says "mama" and gives sloppy wet kisses. Cole's smile can brighten even the darkest day, and I love the way his whole body seems to jump when he gets excited about something. They both make my world and teach me how to be patient and loving and brave, even with spit-up in my hair.

my sassy 9 month old.

It's true what they say about red heads, they have attitude! (I should know, haha.) Riley is still her sweet self, but now she is at that age where the tantrums begin. It was hard to get used to at first, and whenever she started fussing like that I thought something was wrong! When I asked her pediatrician about it, along with about a million other questions, I swear I thought I heard her mutter "sheesh, what a NEWB" under her breath...ok, not really. It was funny how she gave the stink eye to the nurse that gives her vaccines, like "I know what you just did, and I am NOT your biggest fan today!"

Other than that, she is a trooper and is crawling more. Well, whenever she feels like it. Sometimes she just rolls or reaches out to the toy that is the closest to her. At the moment, she only has two teeth still but it would not surprise me if she got another one like, tomorrow. She is at the "third stage" in food, and likes everthing except for those graduate puffs (I find them in the corners of her highchair) and the food with rice and meat in it (she spits it out and gags like she's disgusted).

Since she has no idea her world will drastically change in about 3 months, I have begun to tell Riley about "brother". She probably has no idea who he is, but in a way I guess its just me hoping this will be a smooth transition :)

challenge equals triumph

It seems that ever since I found out I was pregnant with Riley, in April 2009, that my life has undergone a whirl-wind of change. Maybe change is the theme during this season of my life? As anxious of a person I am, it is truly by God's strength that I am able to stand. Even since April of this year, when I became a single mother there have been so many changes to take place! (Good and bad, but mostly good.) It has become more than just words or thoughts to literally lay everything down at the Lord's feet; it is a lifestyle and a walk I have to choose every single day. If I don't lay down, not only my pride, but my anger and my hurt, it will steal my joy. It took a few times of trying to hold onto these things to figure out that it is just not worth it.

God is teaching me and refining me so that I can be healed and set free. He is showing me more and more that he wants to be my defendor. Sometimes when there are rumors circulating about me it can be hard to resist the temptation to defend and explain myself. Thankfully, God loves me and he knows what he's doing. Walking this out in his ways seems to be the solution I have been searching for. I feel that becoming the whole person I was created to be will help me be a better mom, and to raise my kids the best way I can.

BSF

I recently joined a local BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) group in my area. It's basically a world-wide Bible study that started fifty years ago. To be honest, I was tentative on joining since Riley would have to be placed in the nursery with other babies...away from me. (Don't judge me, I'm a newb.) Our first "class" was this morning, and as I was packing her diaper bag I seriously felt like this was preparation for her first day of school. When I located her class this morning and dropped her off, she got busy playing right away. I wanted to give her just ONE more kiss goodbye, and I kid you not, I teared up. Ok, someone PLEASE tell me this is a normal first-time mom thing! I'm proud of her because she didn't cry when I dropped her off or picked her up, and I think she was proud of me, too. (haha)

sick baby.

Riley had some pretty major "firsts" in the past two weeks. She got her first tooth, soon followed by the second. They are in the front on the bottom. It's kind of weird seeing her smile and not be greeted by all gums! The other major first is not something to celebrate really, but still blog-worthy: her first trip to the emergency room. She had group D salmonella poisoning, and it's still a mystery as to how she got it. It started with dirrahea and a fever, and after a trip to her pediatrician she started to vomit. (Which, let me tell ya, I am now very educated in the vomit versus spit up category.) Her fever would not come down, and by the time we got to Arnold Palmer it was at 103.

The worst part of it all was just how miserable she was. The nurses had to hold her down and test her urine with a catheter and she just cried and said "mama!", which just about broke my heart. Thankfully, she is doing nearly 100 percent better, and is back to her old self! She has definitely perfected saying "mama" and has become a little spoiled with all of the extra attention.

This whole experience felt kind of like a rite of passage for motherhood. I used to think it would be so horrible to have to clean up the messes after my kids get sick. Honestly, that did not phase me. It's amazing to see the natural maternal instincts just kick into high gear and do everything humanly possible to bring comfort to Riley. In middle of the night and her fever was so high. It was hard to watch her cry like that and feel her get so hot. In those moments I felt myself turn around to just find that I was alone. I had my parents help, which was amazing, but I can definitely feel the lonliness of being a single mom.

God is definitely stretching me beyond my comfort zone and teaching me so much. I'm thankful for these times, good and bad. Each day, I can feel my skin get a little thicker.

BIG news!

Well, there are two pieces of big news...good and bad. I'll get the the good stuff first: Riley is going to be a big sister! I am almost six months pregnant with a BOY! This definitely came as a surprise, but I know that God has an amazing destiny in mind for both of my children.

Now for the not-so-wonderful news, my husband and I are no longer together. I will spare the gory details and just say that God truly is my rescuer. For a short time I was having some difficulty seeing the situation through God's eyes, but he has shown me how much I need to depend on him for every little thing. I love how he teaches the toughest lessons in the most amazing ways and the only possible way for me to explain is that it was totally God! God's voice, his timing, his ways that are so much better than mine.

People around me have told me what a strong person I am, and how well I seem to be handling all of these changes. Let me tell you, it is not by my strength. I am such a fearful person and if it wasn't for God intervening in such a big way, my situation would look much different than it does today. It is a daily struggle and each day I have to lay it all down at his feet. I'm seeing very clearly that if I walk this out in God's ways that it will be so much better for me and my kids. They deserve the best, and I need to be able to give them my best.

a much needed update!

Have three months gone by? Seriously?! I guess this is what being a new mom means. Needless to say, Riley has changed a TON and she turned six months old on Monday. She has almost figured out how to crawl, but for now she just rolls around and sort of scoots around until she gets frustrated and cries for me to turn her back over.

She has perfected that laugh of hers, and as soon as I figure out how to load videos on this computer (hi, i'm a mac using a PC.) I will share those. I have enjoyed a full night's rest since she was four months old, and we get up anywhere between 6 and 8 am. Riley loves her voice, and uses it proudly, and as loudly as she can.

I have adjusted to some pretty big changes in my life these days, and I will be able to tell what those changes are once I get some, ahem, things in order. Oh, don't you love the suspense?

Riley is such a huge blessing, and every day spent with her is so much fun. Our next adventure starts this weekend: she is graduating to baby food in her high chair!